Me#too#depression#phase 2 #

Me#too#depression # 2
no sympathy..!

I have always thought that psychologist is a scary person. It could be because of widespread rumor that if you approach therapist u will be labeled as mad. I remember the time I told my family that I wanted to see a therapist. Because sometimes u do need medicines or just to open up to complete stranger. It didn’t turn out as expected. I went and hardly 15 mts could be my bad luck otherwise I don’t know. Anyhow she gave me medicines.
Effect of these medicines is another interesting thing. I haven’t tried drugs but have known and read that it makes u into another world. So yes, this does that. U will be in another world. The beginning was good I got missing thing.
After that, I lost it. ..
Completely….
I was wearing a mask of smile just not to let anyone know. I was working all the time. I used to look at people with wonder… How and why r they faking it.. And if someone tries to talk it felt like murder. I stopped responding to things.. I didn’t like music, movies, or anything which used to make me happy. I started hating books as well..lost appetite.. Lost sleep…you tube seemed to be fake.. All those gurus blah blah seemed to be aliens…
People say suicide is for cowards I would say it’s for brave ones as it takes courage to do something which I never had.. So I let google decide fate again. To my surprise there’s even videos to support this.. How to die easily and silently..
While these thoughts were playing I had done painting.. It ended up being good one and my eyes fell on it.. N suddenly I felt good.. M not big artist or something in fact m very bad in it.. But yes I felt better.. Slowly whenever these thoughts came.. I started to paint.. One thing that saved me from loosing myself…

please share awareness and if anyone u know is going through such phase do listen instead of judging.. it’s hard to speak..
#nosympathy# me#too#struggles#emotional#balance#

Depression diaries

This post is not to get any sort of sympathy. It’s an attempt to raise awareness and varies from people to people.

Me too# depression diaries# 1

It’s funny how we see things, sometimes unexpectedly to make ourselves better. I saw post which said depression means deep rest it’s not something bad. Obviously it’s no bad but not good either. Being an introvert was on itself big challenge, on top of it when u become numb, it gets worse. It started slowly..i have no idea from where these thoughts comes from. I ignored it but then when ur an over thinker it’s like double the trouble. People close to u will say m here if at all. But what can I tell u when I myself don’t know what m feeling. The numbness starts to take control. It feels like everyone u talk to is expecting u to be someone whom they want u to be.Begining to this when u slowly start withdrawing from everything.. Nothing seems interest u and all u do is wonder what on earth is happening. This went on and then u consult most trusted Google to find out reasons why ur feeling so. The most common ones are :
Financial issues
family issues
Job loss
peer pressure
Stress
break up
Poor grades
The problem is what if reason u have doesn’t belong in any of above. What if feeling lost is reason, what if sense of not belonging to is reason. Google, failed me in that. I go into the next sort out resource, books. Gave me new ideas so closed it. With much despair shared with my family and close friends they just said u have always been mad. Being mad is different from depressed. I went to Doctor Who gave me pain killer I don’t really know for what reason but it helped for week.

Now the real thing begins from when u actually get into that phase..

Me#too# depression #struggles #diary#

Emotional games

Movies…

Series….

Novels….

Anime….

What do all these have in common?

A game, mind game to be specific.

Every story or every such idea revolves around how person reacts to scenario. Most often, each genre has same style. There is just difference in way it’s been told. I have been fan of romantic fiction all this while ,after reading few I felt all is same. Then I moved to empowering stories, it was indeed very inspirational.

I kept changing genres I read or watched. It helped me in some ways to understand the way human mind works.

Eventually being an avid reader and movie lover, what I understood is each story though is same is fully planned emotional game and having new thought to share and ponder about.